The Hardest Part is Over

"Let it go

Let it roll right off your shoulder

Don't you know

The hardest part is over.

Let it in

Let your clarity define you

In the end

We will only just remember how it 

feels" 

Rob Thomas, "Little Wonders" 

Yesterday I received a polite, formal rejection letter informing me that I was not selected for an educational opportunity I applied for. After over two months of waiting, I discovered that something I had put a great deal of time, effort, and thought into did not pan out. Although I genuinely saw this opportunity as a long-shot for me and I was expecting that I would not be selected, I still found myself disheartened. Sad. 

The sting of disappointment will linger with me for a while.

A large part of my school day involves working in an alternative educational setting. I am surrounded by teenagers who have not experienced a lot of success, especially in school. These are often students who move through high school without much of a voice or recognition of their accomplishments. This year has been eye-opening, and I continue to learn how to best support my students and advocate for them. I have had many gentle conversations with my students about struggle, and how to still show up as your best self and move forward, even when experiencing significant obstacles.

This is not a huge struggle for me, but it still hurts. I constantly encourage my students to practice gratitude. So, in following my own advice, below is my list of gratitude regarding this experience:

• Three of my colleagues spent precious time crafting generous recommendation letters for me. I reread them yesterday. It mattered to me.
• I had to write three essays for this application. In the process, I thought deeply about my beliefs of myself as a learner and as a teacher. In articulating my beliefs I was reminded of the teacher I strive to be.
• I gained more insight in the essay-writing process and tried new ways to organize my writing, including the use of kernel essays. Because of this work I am a better teacher of writers. 
• I have friends and family who support me, even when I experience setbacks. Thank you Abbie and Krista and Lisa.
• I was initially scared to apply for this opportunity because of the risk of rejection. I did it anyway. A few years ago I would have talked myself out of applying, mostly because of fear. If I hadn't, I would have always wondered if it would have been possible. Now I know.   

This is certainly not the first time I have experienced rejection or disappointment. It won't be my last. 

Late last night my friend Krista sent me this quote by Theodore Roosevelt. It's one I want to remember and serve as encouragement to not let setbacks prevent me from moving forward:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but one who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasm, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who would neither know victory nor defeat."  

Perhaps the hardest part is over. I don't have to wonder about acceptance anymore. In the scheme of things, this is not that a big of a deal, even if I am feeling disappointed right now. Disappointment is a part of life. It is inevitable and this feeling won't last. 

I can celebrate what I learned, apply it, and keep moving forward.