Slice of Life #21 Challenge Day 7/#SOSMAGIC: What I Know For Sure

For the month of March, each day I am writing and posting a slice of my life, hosted by Two Writing Teachers. 

Slice of Life #21 Challenge Day 7:

What I Know for Sure

Recently, the phenomenal Ruth Ayres shared a recent writing invitation: 

What do you know for sure?

What do you know is true?

What do you know by heart?

I have been marinating these questions in my head for the past few days. I thought about writing about advice I've been given or sharing a list of things I love or penning a poem about beautiful surprises. I thought about sharing some of the lessons I learned during the time of COVID or what I learned about myself when I was going through my divorce. Yet, I kept talking myself out of those ideas. 

A few years ago, as I was working through some heavy personal problems (with the help of a therapist, trusted friends, my pastor, and through my own messy writing), I learned this important lesson: I am only in control of my own thoughts, my own actions, and my own speech. 

This has not been an easy lesson for me to learn. In fact, as a woman in my mid-forties, it is still a lesson that often needs reteaching. I gently need to keep reminding myself: no matter how fiercely I love someone or want a different outcome, I am only in charge of me.

In fact, I have had to make lists of what I have control over and what I do not have control over. Continually, I must remind myself: 

• I can pray for someone. 
• I can listen. 
• I am help support someone.
• I can write about it.
• I can talk about it.

Ultimately, I am only in control of me. This applies to my relationships, my work with students, colleagues, and work load at school, and even parenting my own children.

I can live and strive to be my best self. I can be responsible for my actions, what I say, and how I show up. That's it. This is what I know for sure.  

What do you know for sure? What do you know is true? What do you know by heart? 

Today I’m joining an open community of writers over at Sharing Our Stories: Magic in a Blog. If you write (or want to write) just for the magic of it, consider this your invitation to join us.#sosmagic

#sosmagic: For the Love of Writing

I’m joining an open community of writers over at Sharing Our Stories: Magic in a Blog. If you write (or want to write) just for the magic of it, consider this your invitation to join us.#sosmagic

#sosmagic:For the Love of Writing 

Recently, Ruth Ayres invited writers to consider, "What do you love about writing? What makes you want to open a post box? What makes you fill a notebook page? Do you write because of love, or is there another motivation?"

Ruth's question nudged me to consider my current writerly life. In a challenging and exhausting school year, what motivates me to spend each day writing?

Ruth's writing invitation reminded me of a recent podcast I listened to - an episode on NPR's Life Kit. Poet Maggie Smith, was interviewed about finding hope in difficult times. Towards the end of the podcast, Smith offered listeners three suggestions for how to keep moving forward. Her first step especially resonated with me:

"One thing that always helps me is making time each day, even if it's a little bit of time, to do something that makes me feel like me, life my core self, apart from whatever trouble or stress of whatever else is going on in my life. And so for me, that's writing."

Since I listened to Smith's words, this thought has been spooling in my mind. What can I do every day that makes me feel like me? 

Like Maggie Smith, writing makes me feel like me. Although I publicly share a small fraction of my writing, carving out a time for writing every day centers me. 

"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart." 

William Wordsworth

I often fill my notebook with messy thoughts. Writing helps me sort through my myriad of issues using a healthy outlet. The act of writing calms me. Rereading my writing often reminds me how hard I am on myself. 

I love that writing helps me notice small moments.

I love that writing helps me practice gratitude.

I love that writing helps me show up as a more generous, kind person.

But mostly...I love that writing makes me feel like Trina.

What do you love about writing? 

Insights Gained From Reading Enticing Hard-To-Reach-Writers

Join Ruth Ayres and celebrate this week! 

"Writing is creating, and creation is messy. 

It's not a lockstep process. 

It's not a guarantee. 

Most of our best work is completely unexpected. 

This is why we must be faithful writer's: 

Showing up day after day is the best way to ensure success." 

By Ruth Ayres 

from Enticing Hard-To-Reach Writers 

(Stenhouse, 2017)

I bought Ruth Ayres' Enticing Hard-To-Reach Writers soon after it came out. I started it, then had to set it aside because of intense school and family commitments, and unfortunately, it got buried at school. But once I got into this book, I found myself so immersed in Ruth's voice that I stole whatever moments I could to read it. 

As you can see by my use of sticky notes,
Enticing Hard-To-Reach Writers is already a well-loved resource for me. 

While there is not a chapter from Enticing Hard-To-Reach Writers that I could not relate to or that is not all marked up from my annotations where I am basically having my own little private, pretend conversation with Ruth Ayres, I particularly appreciated Chapter 8: "Writing Always Gives More Than It Takes." Ruth Ayres highlights (in her exquisite writing voice with such thoughtful examples) what writing has given her:

• Writing Helps Me Grow My Thinking and My Teaching
• Writing Lets Me See the Importance of My Work
• Writing Energizes Me for the Day
• Writing Makes Me See More Accurately
• Writing Lets Me take Hold of the Small Moments

While I agree with every single point Ruth Ayres highlighted, I would also add that writing helps me know myself better. You would think that in 41 years that I would be an expert at knowing who I am, but I'm always discovering how my insights change, how my curiosity shifts, and what I had not noticed before. Often it isn't until I write that I realize what I am feeling. Recently, as I paged through some of my older writer's notebooks, I realized that how I am changing and evolving as a person/parent/wife/teacher is documented again and again through my various lists, written prayers, poetry, Heart Maps, questions, and lines I want to remember.  

I've been writing off and on since I was in fourth grade, but I really started showing up leading a more consistently writerly life a little over two years ago, filling notebooks, and gifting myself with time to write each day. 

Like Ruth Ayres so honestly writes about, I too, often feel like I have nothing to say or that I have nothing worth writing about. (In fact, it still scares me to publish anything I write, even a blog post when barely even anyone reads my writing!) Yet Ruth Ayres gently reminds me that so many writers feel insecure at some point, even her, a published author. As Ruth Ayres wrote in Chapter 8, "...I realized that writing, for me, is essential" (Stenhouse, 51). Although I don't always feel confident about what I share publicly as a writer, but I am always grateful for how writing fills me as a person, teacher, parent, and human.

Even when I am stuck, I am reminded that it is worth it to keep going and continue to lead a writerly life. So, this week I am celebrating all that writing gives me, even when I don't feel like I have anything to say! 

Writing does give more than it takes. 

February Reflections

Since I began blogging last summer, I started paying more attention to what other bloggers wrote about, noticing their content, how their information was shared, and how I could emulate that. Long before I tried blogging I followed blogger and author Ruth Ayres, who I have admired as a writer for some time now. Ruth Ayres has a lovely, exquisite writing voice, and I am always eager to read what she notices and shares. I am especially grateful that she invites other bloggers to celebrate, providing a space to share blog link ups. Sharing my writing continues to be uncomfortable and scary. I continue to find myself in a bit of a frazzle each time I publish my writing in a blog post.

Last month Ruth wrote a post about creating a Heart Map reflecting on her month of January. Of course her post is incredibly inviting and I adored her idea of reflecting on a whole month using a format of a Heart Map. I have been Heart Mapping in my notebook for a while now, but it was almost always based on one idea or after one day. Before Ruth's post, I had not considered Heart Mapping based on the reflection of a whole month (or extended period). As I paged through my journal, I noticed so many things that were worthy of celebrating.This is what February’s Heart Map looked like for me:

February Heart Map (apologies for the poor quality of this image)  

Based on my February Heart Map, there are two things that I wanted to especially celebrate this month:

1. Wisconsin State Reading Association (WSRA) Convention 2018

I had the honor to present twice at the WSRA Convention this year. For one of the presentations I was invited to present with Dr. Cathy Compton-Lilly on some of the work that I have been doing with Retrospective Miscue Analysis (RMA) with a few of my high school students. Although I have presented at state and local conferences before, I was really intimidated to lead a presentation with Dr. Compton-Lilly, especially since it was a packed conference room. It was humbling to share what I’ve learned about RMA with over one hundred educators and answer questions.

Our conference room sign 

I also presented with my dear friend and brilliant colleague, Abbie Blood. When I was in my role of a secondary district literacy coach in my district I worked with Abbie as often as I could. Abbie and I learned how to use effectively use mentor texts with high school juniors. Our presentation was a celebration of our process, our purpose, the excitement of the difference in quality of our student writers, and how this continues to be a journey of learning for us. Abbie and I presented to a small group of about thirty educators, but they were so engaged and eager to try some of the ideas that Abbie and I presented. After the presentation Abbie shared with me, “I felt so validated as a teacher. I love that there are other people who are interested in this kind of work.”

Our first presentation slide

2. Student Celebration
Recently, I was working on goal setting with my ninth and tenth grade classes using a strategy called WOOP, a strategy used for teaching students to better use self-regulation skills. I invited each student to select one academic goal to work on for Quarter 3. Many of my students set goals such as, “I will complete all of my homework on time in Science” or “I will use my time wisely in math class.” Two weeks later I conferred with each student about his or her goal. One of my sophomores, Nathan (a pseudonym), created a goal about reading. As we were conferring, Nathan quietly said to me, “I heard that you help kids read. Do you think that you could help me read better?” This blew me away. I have never had a student ask me this before. The next week I scheduled a time to meet with him, and we started working on RMA together. I did not expect that using a goal setting strategy and conferring would provide this opening with Nathan.

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As my daily writing practice usually includes a Haiku, here is a double Haiku about my February gratitude that I wrote after I completed my Heart Map :

Stuck in negative

Self-talk spooling in my mind,

Yet good surrounds me.

Celebrating joy -

A practice worthy of time

I must continue.