Slice of Life #20 Challenge Day 11/31:
What Do You Need?
Joined by several friends, she walked in noticeably late to class.
"Hi *Maria," I said. Maria did not respond or look at me; she walked to her assigned seat and placed her head down on the table, her long brown hair concealing her face.
"Is she okay?" I quietly asked one of her friends who was still lingering in the hallway.
"Yeah. She's just going through some stuff."
I nodded, "Thanks for being a friend to Maria. It's probably best that you get to where you are supposed to be though. You are already late."
Quietly, I rejoined my class and gently tapped Maria on her shoulder. We walked out of the classroom and into the hallway.
"Are you safe?" I asked. She nodded a yes.
"Is everyone else safe?" I asked. Again, she nodded yes.
For what seemed like hours (but more likely thirty seconds) we stood in silence.
Finally, I asked, "What do you need?"
"A hug."
"Okay. I can do that." She hugged me so fiercely, so tight. Maria was obviously in pain.
"I hope that whatever you are going through gets better soon. Please let me know if you would like to see the school counselor or if you want to talk with me more," I said and then added, "do you have a trusted adult to talk with?"
She nodded a yes.
We walked back into class. She ended up returning to her seat again - this time took out her book and started reading.
This exchange between me and Maria happened several weeks ago. I never found out exactly what happened, but she seemed better the next day and week following. This is often true about my students - I don't always know what is causing them pain. Sometimes they aren't ready to share.
I wasn't always this way, but I've learned that sometimes asking the question, "what do you need?" is the most effective way to respond.
How do you respond to a student who is struggling?
*pseudonym
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Im gladyou were there for your student. Sometimes all we can do is be present.
ReplyDeleteA short question to ask reaches far and can have a big impact. I am glad that a hug was helpful this time.
ReplyDeleteYou asked the most important questions: Are you safe? What do you need? Do you have a trusted adult to talk to? These seems so simple, but they signal care to students. Sometimes that is what they need. I’m so glad you hugged Maria. I never liked the admonition not to provided it’s what students want and need.
ReplyDelete"This is often true about my students - I don't always know what is causing them pain" - yes! I struggle sometimes when I read about how we are supposed to know our students and know all about them. I find that making sure they are safe (I love your three questions) and letting them know that I will support them if they need help are pretty much the most powerful things I can do. Prying into their lives rarely helps. They will tell me what they are ready to tell me and come to me when they need to if I make it clear that I am available. Glad you were able to give Maria a hug and some space.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this touching story. I am adding this question to my tool kit.
ReplyDeleteMaria is lucky to have you... as we are to have the opportunity to make a difference in students lives.