Taking Care of Myself: Challenging but Worthy Work

I was introduced (okay thrown) into the world of At-Risk Education this year. In my nearly eighteen years of teaching, I have always taught students who fall into the category of at-risk or what I like to call underserved students. However, I have never had such a high concentration of underserved students in one class (several classes a day) at once.

It has been really challenging work.

Many (actually, most) of my underserved high school students are incredible human beings. Yet many of them have not yet experienced success in our traditional school system. I assume that for many of my underserved students it is easier to say, “I don’t care” or not show up (mentally and or physically) because it feels safer than trying and taking the risk of feeling like a failure. Again.

I especially yearn for each of my underserved students to find success in school, as I know that the more education he or she receives, it is more likely that he or she will experience a better overall standard of living as adults.

It has been really challenging work.

I often take my role as a teacher and mentor so personally, especially when one of my students does not make good academic or behavioral choices. As many of my colleagues, I carry my students’ stories, their comments, and their conversations far beyond the traditional classroom walls. I’ve thought a lot about some of the heart-wrenching experiences my students have shared with me. I’ve privately written about many of my students. I’ve prayed for my students. I’ve wondered and worried about my students when they don’t show up for school or permanently leave our school community. It is painful.

It has been really challenging work.

This past Wednesday I had the opportunity to learn from Lucas Jadin, educator and team member of Train2BeClutch. Lucas was powerful and engaging as a speaker, and I especially appreciated how he was vulnerable with our staff. He reminded me that so many people fear failure or not being enough of who we feel that we need to be. (Trust me, I certainly struggle with this.) Later I emailed him to thank him for what his work taught me and also as a plea for more suggestions of how I could better meet the needs of my underserved students. One of the responses Lucas shared with me was this:

Take care of yourself. Most of those kids do not even have close to a stable adult in their life. Just being the best version of yourself is a huge win for the kids.

Lucas’s response has lingered with me all week. As a mom, wife, friend, Girl Scout co-leader, and teacher, I often put myself last. Dead last.

But I realized that I am already doing worthy things to take care of myself. These things all help me to take care of myself and show up as a better human being, even when I am having a bad day.

For me, each day I strive to do these four things:

• I write. Every day. My writing is usually not worth publicly sharing, but it helps me to get the yuck out of my day. It is a space only for me. When I started making daily writing a priority, I realized that I became more reflective and responsive to my family and students and to myself. Writing is often how I wrestle with what bothers me the most. 

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  A glimpse of this morning's writing

• I read. Stories often help me escape and distract my busy mind. Reading was what often got me through hard times in adolescence and as an adult. I need escape in a safe and healthy way. This past January and part of February I read Cutting for Stone, a book that was on my to-read list for years. As my friend Sam once shared with me, it would be a story that would suck me in. It did, and it even helped me consider medicine and healing and surgery in a radically different way.

• I walk. Although I often walk to get more exercise for myself and my dogs, it is an easy way to clear my head. I often enjoy the quiet and peace I experience on walks. Sometimes walking is the only time I can find time without anyone else with me. 

Here is one of my walking buddies

• I meditate. Okay, I’m working on meditating. When I find time to meditate, my body feels more relaxed. I show up as a better human being to my family and friends and students. I recently started using an App called Headspace to help get into the practice of meditating more.

None of these four practices cost me any money. They take little stretches of time, something that is more manageable for me to accomplish.

Whether I am in the role as a mom, wife, teacher, or leader, I am constantly working on being a better human being. It has been really challenging work. But worthy work.

Ultimately, I need to make sure that I take care of myself.

What do you do to take care of yourself?