Slice of Life Challenge #21 Day 25: Right Now

For the month of March, each day I am writing and posting a slice of my life, hosted by Two Writing Teachers. 

Slice of Life Challenge #21 Day 25: Right Now

I recently saw this post on Leigh Anne's A Day In the Life. I enjoyed reading it and wanted to share my own list.

What I'm Reading - I'm notorious for reading more than one book at a time. I thrive on this. After reading a post about this book from Ramona, I ordered and began reading Alone Together: Love, Grief, and Comfort in the time of COVID-19. It's a collection of interviews, poetry, and essays. I am also listening to Searching for April Raintree, a powerful novel. This is the story of two Canadian Métis sisters who were raised in foster care for most of their young lives and deal with racism and exploring their identity as adults. 

What I'm Writing - Aside from lesson plans and feedback on Canvas, I am mostly only writing daily blogs for the Slice of Life Challenge and journaling. At some point I would like to write more and publish. Lately this goal seems so out of reach.

What I'm Learning - I am learning that it is okay to be gentle with myself and continue to realize that life is a journey that I am still figuring out how to navigate. At school I am learning again how to be flexible as we pivot to our fourth learning model this year. Personally, although I haven't lost anyone due to the pandemic, I have been processing grief and trying to figure out how I want to spend my time and energy when the pandemic is over. Therefore, I plan to participate in Elena Aguilar's Bright Morning Feel Better Program. 

What I'm Loving - Catching the sunrise is always a love. Signs of spring give me so much joy. Playing board games with my children is one of my favorite ways to spend time with them. My parents are now both fully vaccinated, and I am part-vaccinated; we can visit again! I adore comedy and laughing until my belly aches. 

Thank you for this inspiration, Leigh Anne. 

Slice of Life #21 Challenge Day 7/#SOSMAGIC: What I Know For Sure

For the month of March, each day I am writing and posting a slice of my life, hosted by Two Writing Teachers. 

Slice of Life #21 Challenge Day 7:

What I Know for Sure

Recently, the phenomenal Ruth Ayres shared a recent writing invitation: 

What do you know for sure?

What do you know is true?

What do you know by heart?

I have been marinating these questions in my head for the past few days. I thought about writing about advice I've been given or sharing a list of things I love or penning a poem about beautiful surprises. I thought about sharing some of the lessons I learned during the time of COVID or what I learned about myself when I was going through my divorce. Yet, I kept talking myself out of those ideas. 

A few years ago, as I was working through some heavy personal problems (with the help of a therapist, trusted friends, my pastor, and through my own messy writing), I learned this important lesson: I am only in control of my own thoughts, my own actions, and my own speech. 

This has not been an easy lesson for me to learn. In fact, as a woman in my mid-forties, it is still a lesson that often needs reteaching. I gently need to keep reminding myself: no matter how fiercely I love someone or want a different outcome, I am only in charge of me.

In fact, I have had to make lists of what I have control over and what I do not have control over. Continually, I must remind myself: 

• I can pray for someone. 
• I can listen. 
• I am help support someone.
• I can write about it.
• I can talk about it.

Ultimately, I am only in control of me. This applies to my relationships, my work with students, colleagues, and work load at school, and even parenting my own children.

I can live and strive to be my best self. I can be responsible for my actions, what I say, and how I show up. That's it. This is what I know for sure.  

What do you know for sure? What do you know is true? What do you know by heart? 

Today I’m joining an open community of writers over at Sharing Our Stories: Magic in a Blog. If you write (or want to write) just for the magic of it, consider this your invitation to join us.#sosmagic

Slice of Life #20 Challenge Day 30/31: Sidewalk Poetry

Slice of Life #20 Challenge Day 30/31: 

Sidewalk Poetry

On Wednesday the month of March ends and April begins, ushering in National Poetry Month. 

This April, in the midst of the social distancing Covid-19 Epidemic, I need to celebrate poetry and do better in sharing how it has impacted me.

On a walk yesterday afternoon, my friend/neighbor, Dave, and I walked past this piece of sidewalk poetry: 

"I call myself poet...
comfortably, happily.
My life is filled with writing...
articles, essays, fiction, history.
But poetry is what delights me,
sustains me, is my strongest need.
As long as I write,
the rest of my life falls into place."

I was stunned. Dave and I were walking in my old neighborhood. I must have walked over that sidewalk poem so many times, but Sunday was the first time that I actually took the time to read it.

Indeed, "my life is filled with writing...but poetry is what delights me, sustains me, is my strongest need..." 

I adore this sidewalk poem. 

After reading this piece and reflecting on it, I cannot help but wonder what I can do to better help celebrate poetry this April, both at home and in my distance-learning classroom.

Fellow readers, I would love your ideas. What will you do to celebrate National Poetry Month this April? 

Looking to connect with a positive, supportive online community? 

Consider sharing a slice of your life with Two Writing Teachers. 

All writers are welcome!

Slice of Life #20 Challenge Day 29/31: Signs of Growth

Slice of Life #20 Challenge Day 29/31: 

Signs of Growth 

From darkness, despair,/
and mess of barren season:/
fresh growth emerges. 

Spring reminds me that somehow growth and beauty prevail after long, difficult seasons of dormancy. 

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All writers are welcome!

Slice of Life #20 Challenge Day 28/31: What I Have Learned So Far

Slice of Life #20 Challenge Day 28/31: 

What I Have Learned So Far

It's hard not to think about COVID-19 without worry. Trust me, I have. However, this morning I found myself reflecting of what I have learned about myself (and confirmed what I already knew about myself) in the midst of this pandemic:

• I am a people person. I would not do well in a job where I didn't have much contact with people. I think that it is FAR more challenging delivering school via distance learning than traditional teaching face-to-face. I haven't figured out a good routine for myself yet. I have also realized that it takes me much longer to help a student virtually. Of course I have digital tools, like Google Meet, but my students aren't really familiar with this technology yet and many do not have access to Internet beyond their cell phone. I miss so many things about face-to-face learning. I cannot wait until I get to see students in person again. 
• I need hugs. Yes, I am a hugger and crave physical contact. There are many staff members/friends who give me hugs when I see them at school and when we get together. Usually, I attend church on Sundays and see my church family there, providing ample opportunities for hugs. During our official "Stay-At-Home Order," I have missed hugs, especially when my kids are not with me. Unfortunately my daughter's guinea pigs only provide me with so much comfort. (Side note: I really need a dog or a cat.)
• I need meaningful connection. Prior to about a month ago, with the exception of my parents and sometimes my aunt or grandma, I rarely talked to anyone on the telephone or via video chat. I only exchanged streams of text messages. In the last few weeks, my friend, S., and I have been talking on the phone daily. Hearing his voice (and the voice of others on the phone) makes a huge difference. I feel so much more connected to people when I hear their voice. 
• I need daily time outside. I like to walk and move and explore, even on rainy and cold days like today. My connection to nature has been particularly lifesaving on days I've felt lonely and unsettled. I always seem to handle challenges with more clarity upon return from a walk. 
• I need daily time to read and write. Reading and writing continue to be my most welcome companions - healthy, essential outlets. Both keep me sane - a refuge for anxiety-ridden thoughts.  
• I can only control so much. I was under the illusion that I was in control of so much, yet daily I am reminded that I only have control over my actions, my words, and my response. I keep realizing that things that seemed to be in my control never really were. 

I wonder what else I will learn from this time and what my own children, my students, and my friends and family will teach me. I am convinced that I still have so much to learn. 

What have you learned? 

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All writers are welcome!

Slice of Life #20 Challenge Day 18/31: Practicing Self-Care

Slice of Life #20 Challenge Day 18/31: 

Practicing Self-Care

Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, there have been a lot of changes in the last week of school. Professionally, I have had a difficult time keeping up with all of the messages and directives. I am doing my best to learn how to teach and connect with my students from afar. This is all really new to me. Yet, I know that our administrators, both at the district and building levels, are doing the best that they can - just like I am doing as a classroom teacher.

There have been several moments in the past few days that I have been on the edge of tears. As much as I don't want to admit this, there have been many moments that I have actually cried - sometimes out of frustration, sometimes out of fear, and sometimes out of just feeling incredibly overwhelmed. I don't think that I am alone in experiencing these intense emotions. 

There are so many unknowns; For me, the unknown (and what is beyond my control) makes me feel the most unsteady.  

As a parent, teacher, and friend, there are three things that have been incredibly helpful in practicing self-care for me during the past few days: 

• Walking around my neighborhood. I am fortunate to have a fantastic walking buddy and now friend, Dave. Although Dave and I are on completely different paths in life, he and I have shared fantastic conversations and connection. It's been a good, meaningful distraction. 
• Writing in my notebook. It's still my daily practice write at least three pages. More than anything, Writing has been my way out when I have experienced anything challenging. Each day I continue to list what I am grateful for. Practicing gratitude is often how I can flip my perspective to something more positive. 
• Talking to loved ones and friends on the telephone. Yes, talking, not just texting. A few days ago I swear I could actually hear my friend Steve's smile in his voice. More than once, he has made me laugh when I was feeling cranky. In general, talking on the phone has helped me stay connected with people that I may not be able to see in person. It helps me feel less alone.

Fellow readers, what has been most helpful to you during this time? 

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Consider sharing a slice of yourlife with Two Writing Teachers. 

All writers are welcome! 

Slice of Life #20 Challenge Day 4/31: Stumble

Slice of Life #20 Challenge Day 4/31: 

Stumble

Early this morning I was on a lovely walk. As usual, my mind was deep in thought - spooling some recent events in my mind, what did he mea - 

Bam!
Thud!
Crash!

First, I felt my wrist skid to the pavement, then my knees skin through the terse sidewalk. 

In a dramatic, jarring fall, I found myself sprawled flat on the ground.

Oy!

I looked to my left, to my right. Ahead. Behind. I breathed a sigh of relief - no one was around to witness my fall. 

(By the way, it wasn't ice that I slipped on. Nothing darted out in front of me. I simply wasn't paying attention and fell from a space of uneven part of a sidewalk.)

My wrist was bleeding, the blood already coagulating. I felt the sting of both my knees and already knew that my knees had to be bleeding, too. 

At this point in my walk, I was over half-way on my route - too far to turn around. I slowly peeled myself off of the pavement; I kept walking and finished my walk. 

As soon as I returned home, I tended to my wounds, cleaning and bandaging them. I was thankful I was only dealing with minor skin abrasions, nothing more. 

With apologies to the graphic nature of this wound, my casualty of this morning's stumble

Dear readers, I assume that if you fell like I did this morning, you may have had a similar reaction - first wondering if anyone saw you stumble before you even took the time to take care of yourself. In reflection, I am certain that this is so automatic for me, in dealing with both physical and emotional stumbles. I worry more about who realizes that I am struggling instead of tending to my immediate needs. How did this become my norm?  

This morning, I am left lingering with this question: How can I focus more on healing and what I need instead of worrying about who saw me stumble? 

Looking to connect with a positive, supportive online community? Consider sharing a slice of your life with Two Writing Teachers. All writers are welcome! 

Slice of Life #20 Challenge Day 3/31: Going Through to Get Through

Slice of Life #20 Challenge Day 3/31: 

Going Through to Get Through

It had been a flurry of email exchange back and forth with a friend.  At this time I realized that I had a hard time verbally talking with anyone about some personal issues, but for some reason, I could write about it.

To me, writing has always been a welcome space to share when I couldn't speak.

In one of the emails, my friend responded with something like this, "You know that book about the kids going on a bear hunt? As they search for a bear they run into all kinds of obstacles, but they cannot go under or around it or over it. They just need to go through it. It's like that, Trina. You can't get through something until you go through it."

Later that evening, I dug out my eldest child's tattered copy of We're Going on a Bear Hunt and reread it. Michael Rosen's lines stayed with me,

"We can't go over it

We can't go under it

Oh no! 

We've got to go through it!"

For the last four years, I've kept We're Going on a Bear Hunt on my nightstand, a reminder of some long ago advice - you can't get through something until you go through it. As much as I have wanted to bypass messy things in my life, I have found that not dealing with an obstacle can (and likely will) make it worse. 

I recently replaced my son's tattered copy so I could read this without the pages falling off. 

Recently, I went through a divorce. Although it has been amicable and likely the best, healthiest long-term decision for everyone involved, it has still been challening and painful - impacting nearly every aspect in my life.

Yet, I am going through it. I am getting through it. 

Looking to connect with a positive, supportive online community? Consider sharing a slice of your life with Two Writing Teachers. All writers are welcome! 

Slice of Life: Finding my Path

Last September I left the house and neighborhood that I had lived in since 2001. Although I moved to a charming new-to-me neighborhood (less than one mile from my old house) and I still lived in the same city, I felt as if I moved into a whole new community. I didn't really know any neighbors. I didn't have a dog to walk anymore. When my kids were with me, they didn't necessarily want to venture outside. I didn't have a familiar walking route anymore.  

I felt lost. 

For at least the next two months, with the exception of taking my daughter Trick or Treating on Halloween, I only left my house for work, church, to run an errand, or to rake or shovel snow. Fall has always been my favorite season, but this year I found myself literally watching the season change from my window. 

I was lost.

Sometime in early December I decided that enough was enough. I missed not knowing the neighborhood I lived in. I missed being outside. Like it or not, I needed to make some changes. I needed to get back outside and walk. I've known this about myself for a long time - being outside is a great way for me to feel alive - no matter my mood or what's currently happening in my life. 

I needed to find my path again.

So I began small. Over the course of several days, I walked bits at a time - first venturing a block or two, then fifteen minutes. I explored different routes, and I found great delight. I even started catching sunsets again. Soon I was walking regularly and daily again - at least thirty minutes. 

This month I found myself waking early again, just to walk.

Walking outside had been my normal routine for years. It made sense that I needed to get back to out. Returning outside felt good for so many reasons. I met new neighbors and developed new friendships. I felt more comfortable living in my neighborhood. Perhaps most importantly, I began noticing my outdoor surroundings again. This stood out from this morning's walk: 

• the crunch of ice beneath my feet, 
• warm hues of sunrise, 
• birds flitting from feed to ground, searching for seeds,
• faint train whistles,
• owl hoots,
• and even the rustle of branches against my coat. 

Monday's sunrise

It turned out that seeking new paths brought me a lot of joy. 

Walking outside continues to heal my soul. 

Looking to connect with a positive, supportive online community? Consider sharing a slice of your life with Two Writing Teachers. All writers are welcome! 

Working on Self-Love

Early this morning, while mindlessly scrolling social media, I read a smart post on Instagram from brilliant Emily McDowell. This post on her Insta account (see below) really resonated with me: 

For so long I found myself searching for some sort of external validation, just like Ms. McDowell wrote about, in hopes of some support and of bit of loving attention. In reality, I was struggling with some tough personal things. While swimming through the mess, I found that I didn't trust myself. I didn't have the right supports in place I needed. I didn't love myself. In turn, I have recently realized that searching for external validation just made me ache more. 

I'm slowly learning that I don't need external validation. I need to listen to myself. I need to love myself. I need to trust myself. I need to keep writing, reflecting. I need to keep talking to professionals. I need to be kind and gentle with myself.  

Friends, this is not easy work. 

Ms. McDowell's suggestion to text a beautiful message to myself makes so much sense. I realized that it is another thing that I can do, especially when I am in need.

Today I'm thankful she put these words out in the world. In response, I wrote the double Haiku below: 

Texts, emails sent for-/

external validation/

increased my heartache.

Self-love required/

for radical, loving change.

Gentle, kind message. 

Haiku-A-Day Challenge #4: Crochet Journey

For the last three years, I've intentionally spent time writing and sharing a Haiku-A-Day for the month of December. The first two years I exchanged a daily Haiku privately with willing friends, mostly through text and email. Last year I wrote and shared each Haiku on my blog. Throughout this process, I've discovered that the practice of noticing and reflecting through writing a Haiku grounds me, provides with with a certain kind of peace, assists me with better practicing gratitude, and helps me better navigate this "hurry up" world. This year my goal is the same as last year: to pen and publish a daily Haiku on my blog throughout December. 

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #4: 

Crochet Journey

I first learned how to crochet sometime in my childhood, most likely instructed by my mom or godmother. A few years ago, my neighbor Kelly also took time to try to teach me.

Each time I tried to learn how to crochet, I encountered roadblocks; I put my crochet aside (out of sight) and abandoned it. Recently, I reached out to my longtime family friend, Ellen. She's been teaching me how to crochet again - beginning with the very basics. I have had to restart a few times, untangle yarn, observe her, refer to directions and online tutorials. My stitches began sloppy or tight. I had to redo my stitches so many times and ask for help to get out of my mess. I had to begin again and again. But I'm starting to get it.

Crocheting has given me something to do when I'm by myself. It's been a welcome, needed distraction. It's been a good challenge. 

Recently, I realized that my crochet journey is a good metaphor for my current life events - returning to something that I was never very good at, relearning skills, asking for help along the way, reading and observing when I am stuck, connecting with old friends. 

I am not where I want to be yet, but I am growing.

Create slip knot. Mess.

Work slip stitch. Single crochet.

Restart. Try again. 

My crochet efforts in early November

My crochet efforts now

*Disclaimer: I wrote and "published" part of this post on Instagram last month (with a few edits). BUT the Haiku is new and the second photo is new. 

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #3 Slice of Life Mash-Up: Three Daily Pages

For the last three years, I've intentionally spent time writing and sharing a Haiku-A-Day for the month of December. The first two years I exchanged a daily Haiku privately with willing friends, mostly through text and email. Last year I wrote and shared each Haiku on my blog. Throughout this process, I've discovered that the practice of noticing and reflecting through writing a Haiku grounds me, provides with with a certain kind of peace, assists me with better practicing gratitude, and helps me better navigate this "hurry up" world. This year my goal is the same as last year: to pen and publish a daily Haiku on my blog throughout December. 

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #3
Slice of Life Mash-Up: 

Three Daily Pages

Several years ago I began carving out specific, daily time to write. Not just to complete a paper for graduate school or to write an example to use for teaching. This writing was only for me. I set a goal for myself to write three daily pages in my notebook. 

This summer I dug through some of my past writing notebooks. As I reread pages, I noticed patterns of my behavior and reactions to events. I marveled at how I grew as a writer and as a human. I generated new questions about myself. In retrospect, circling back to my writing gave me clarity about some difficult decisions I faced. 

I began writing in this notebook (see below) in early October. I'm approaching the last few pages, so I am excited to begin a fresh notebook soon. Ultimately, I'm grateful I got into a daily writing habit. I try to remember how my writing has helped me grow whenever I don't feel "in the mood" to write. 

Three daily pages - /

my ongoing writing goal./ 

Nearly full notebook.

Daily writing remains my goal, my fuel for growing.

**********

Looking to connect with a positive, supportive online community? Consider sharing a slice of your life with Two Writing Teachers. All writers are welcome! 

Tuesday Slice of Life: Remember This for Next Year

Looking to connect with a positive, supportive online community? Consider sharing a slice of your life with Two Writing Teachers. All writers are welcome! 

Tuesday Slice of Life: 
Remember This for Next Year

"Remember this for next year," My colleague, Krista, wisely reminded me. I had just shared - for at least the twentieth time - how I have struggled with a group of high school students this year. 

Although this is not my first year teaching in an alternative education setting at my high school, two of my courses have been especially challenging to instruct this year, both through a behavioral and academic lens. 

This year I have used as many trust-building activities as possible, including circles and get-to-know-you activities. I have explicitly modeled my thinking through think-alouds and the document camera. I have worked hard to establish predictable routines. I have reached out to available instructional coaches in the district. I have read and reread professional books and articles about engagement and classroom management and literacy. 

Yet, as a seasoned teacher of nearly twenty years, I am still struggling in so many ways:

• I have struggled to build positive teacher - student relationships. 
• I have struggled to help my students build positive student - student relationships. 
• I have struggled in keeping up with and adjusting instructional planning.
• I have struggled to demonstrate student growth in literacy. 
• I have struggled with matching books with students and encouraging them to read. 
• I have struggled to know where to begin when my students have so many different significant needs.

At home, I consistently write and reflect on my teaching. I ask myself questions, notice patterns, record what I am wondering about. Through my writing, I only recently realized that my students seem to trust me a little bit more then they did at the beginning of the year. In fact, they seem to trust each other more. It makes me feel good that I am beginning to see them take risks as learners more often. 

It's November. Although I have seen growth in students taking risks as learners and displaying more positive behaviors as readers and learners and classmates, I continue to do a lot of kid-watching and listening. I continue to adjust my instruction and trying new things. I continue to work on building positive relationships. I continue to try new things. 

Krista is right. I need to remember this for next year for my planning and my overall expectations - it takes a while to build trust, especially with students who have not yet found success at school.  

Thank you, Krista. 

Tuesday Slice of Life: Without WiFi

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Tuesday Slice of Life: 
Without WiFi

I recently moved to a new place. If you haven't moved in a while, you may not remember how stressful moving can be. Furthermore, moving is also incredibly expensive and time-consuming. Needless to say, I don't want to move again any time soon, especially at the beginning of the school year.

In the last month, one of the things that has been the most eye-opening for me was life without WiFi/home access to the Internet. When I moved, I had to make so many decisions and set up essential services, like utilities, coordinating moving schedules, etc. I did not have a lot of time to sit on the phone with representatives trying to sell me all kinds of services I did not need. Truthfully, I was overwhelmed with what kind of Internet service I wanted and from which provider. Oh yeah, and scheduling a time to sit for a four hour window that wasn't during the school day? This proved challenging and frustrating. I couldn't take off of work just for an Internet installation. 

In the end, by the time I got everything scheduled, it took a little over a week to get my home Internet installed. Fortunately, in the meantime, I could use my cell phone's data and access the Internet at work, so I didn't completely "go dark". 

Going without WiFi for only one week provided me a glimpse of what it's probably like for my students and their families who have unreliable WiFi or no WiFi - including those families who move frequently or who just cannot afford it. Currently, one of my children is in middle school. Most of his homework is delivered via a digital platform. He has a Chromebook assigned to him for the school year through our local school district, but without WiFi at home, he couldn't use it when he was at home. This meant that anything he didn't finish in class he had to do before or after school, or I needed to take him to a location with WiFi. As a parent, I also couldn't easily check his grades. Checking the online learning platforms on cell phones can be accomplished, but it takes longer AND it is more challenging to navigate. Talk about frustrating. 

In the school district I teach in, we are 1:1 (one device per student) at the high school level. Before this year, I always assumed that the device itself was adequate enough for students to accomplish work assigned online. I thought, what else did they really need to get their work done? Since I have had Internet access at home for most of my teaching career, I haven't had to imagine life without Internet access. 

In consequence, this was the first year I discreetly polled my students and asked who had Internet access at home and who did not. I assumed most did, with maybe one or two students who did not. However, I was surprised at the number of students who didn't. Out of 90 of my seniors, approximately one fourth of them reported that they do not have Internet access at home (and are limited to using a cell phone only). Wow. 

In the past, I have asked my students to accomplish a lot of work online. I've always given them time in class, but I have not thought twice about students finishing work at home if they ran out of time. Yet, after living without home access to WiFi for a week, it makes me question some of my practices, including how much time I allot in class for my students to finish their work that requires Internet and how many of my students have access to reliable Internet at home.   

This was just one week without WiFi. 

Tuesday Slice of Life: I get to...

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Tuesday Slice of Life: 
I get to...

At one of our staff meetings last year one of our high school principals, Dr. Mineau, mentioned the power of this phrase, "I get to..." Dr. Mineau was referring to our mindset in how we approach situations. The idea is to replace the phrase "I have to..." with "I get to." For example, instead of "I have to be at Open House this week" you could say, "I get to meet some of my students and their parents." The second sentence sounds much more positive, doesn't it? 

For a while, I have been trying to focus on what is positive in my life instead of dwelling on the negative, especially on the factors I have little to no control over. According to author Kendra Cherry in "Benefits of Positive Thinking for Body and Mind," positive thinkers can cope better with stress, have improved immunity, can be more resilient, and can have positive impacts on overall health. I don't know about you, dear reader, but I could use all of those benefits! 

I have been trying to apply this approach to my personal life all summer, consistently applying the "I get to" phrase when I can. Honestly, I have dealt with some tough things lately, and while the "I get to" phrase has not taken away what's messy and painful, it has helped me shift some of my perspectives so I can manage in a healthier way. Ultimately, this has helped me show up as a more decent human being.

Today I get to begin a new school year. I get to work with amazing colleagues. I get to work with some fantastic students. I get to keep learning with and from my students. I get to be a part of making a positive difference for kids. I get to reflect about each day in my writers notebook. I get to see students make progress.  

What do you get to do in your life? In your profession? At home? 

Tuesday Slice of Life: That Time I Met KWR

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Tuesday Slice of Life: That Time I Met KWR

"I didn't realize Lester Laminack was speaking at this luncheon. Is there any way I can still buy a ticket?" 

Last month I was a newbie at NCTE's WLU Summer Institute in Columbia, South Carolina. In trying to save money, initially I did not sign up for the luncheon. Apparently I did not close-read the information on the WLU website and did not realize that beloved author Lester Laminack was the keynote speaker. Every person I had newly met at the conference was attending. 

The NCTE representative gently responded to my question, "It's a plated dinner, so it is not as simple as just charging you. Tell you what, if you just hang out until the luncheon officially begins, I will sneak you in if there is an open seat."

I nodded and thanked her. From the hotel hallway, I watched as conference participants streamed in, eager to secure spots by friends. A local elementary school from Irmo, South Carolina (The Oak Pointe Bucket Band) warmed the crowd with a lively bucket band performance. 

Just when I thought that I would be dining alone at the hotel restaurant, I heard, "You're in luck. We have some no-shows, so you can attend the luncheon. Just quietly find an empty seat and enjoy." 

"Thank you SO much!" Giddy, I scanned the room to find an empty seat and ventured towards a back table with one open chair. It happened to be next to Dr. Lenny Sanchez, a professor at U of SC and a colleague of my friend Cathy. 

"Is this seat taken?" I inquired.

"Nope, please sit!" Lenny grinned and I sat beside him.

To the right of me sat a thin woman with tight, curly hair. "I'm Trina," I quickly introduced myself. 

The woman held out her hand to shake mine, "Katie." Bucket band still playing, I glanced at her name tag to be certain I heard her name correctly. In a quick glance I peered at her name tag: Katie Wood Ray.

I froze. Katie Wood Ray? I sat next to the Katie Wood Ray, author and editor extraordinaire?  

"Oh. My. God. You're Katie Wood Ray?"

"Yes." She smiled.

Like a teenager upon seeing Justin Bieber, I gushed to Katie about how I loved all her books, how they changed me as a writer and a teacher of writers. And it would have been fine if I ended the conversation here. 

Mouth moving at warp speed, tangled in my Wisconsin accent, I went on to tell her that I loved writing so much, even pulling out and showing my latest journal, as somehow proving to her that I was writing. Yup, I was that girl. 

There are so many other ways that this conversation could have gone, but I was socially awkward. I offered stupid comments. I asked silly questions. I fumbled up my words. I did not really show up as myself.

Thank goodness Lester Laminack began his keynote SO I could keep my mouth shut and listen.

The WLU Summer Institute is a small, intimate conference. After the luncheon, of course I kept running into Katie: in the bathroom, in the hallway between sessions, in the hotel lobby. Each time I found myself inarticulate.

Through it all, Katie Wood Ray was gracious.

Until I wrote about it later in my notebook, I didn't realize how nervous I was to meet her. Then, in horror, I realized how desperate I was to sound intelligent and interesting - the kind of person Katie would want to know. It's not usually the person I show up as. 

Sigh. 

It has now been a few weeks since the WLU Summer Institute. I can now think about this conversation and laugh at myself a bit. After all, I was a bit starstruck at meeting the great Katie Wood Ray. 

In retrospect, I am reminded that we all say and do stupid, awkward things sometimes. In our personal lives. As teachers. As humans. We all do this. For me, this was a great reminder that awkward conversations (or in my case, a SERIES of awkward conversations) happen, and it's just a slice in our lives - not a reflection of who we are as whole people. 

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To read past posts about how I have been influenced by Katie Wood Ray's work, you can read here and here. Even if you are a teacher of high school or middle school students, Katie Wood Ray's work is brilliant, still applicable to older learners. Her work will inspire you to serve your students better.