Working on Self-Love

Early this morning, while mindlessly scrolling social media, I read a smart post on Instagram from brilliant Emily McDowell. This post on her Insta account (see below) really resonated with me: 

For so long I found myself searching for some sort of external validation, just like Ms. McDowell wrote about, in hopes of some support and of bit of loving attention. In reality, I was struggling with some tough personal things. While swimming through the mess, I found that I didn't trust myself. I didn't have the right supports in place I needed. I didn't love myself. In turn, I have recently realized that searching for external validation just made me ache more. 

I'm slowly learning that I don't need external validation. I need to listen to myself. I need to love myself. I need to trust myself. I need to keep writing, reflecting. I need to keep talking to professionals. I need to be kind and gentle with myself.  

Friends, this is not easy work. 

Ms. McDowell's suggestion to text a beautiful message to myself makes so much sense. I realized that it is another thing that I can do, especially when I am in need.

Today I'm thankful she put these words out in the world. In response, I wrote the double Haiku below: 

Texts, emails sent for-/

external validation/

increased my heartache.

Self-love required/

for radical, loving change.

Gentle, kind message. 

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #31: Slice of Life Mash Up: Showing Up

For the last three years, I've intentionally spent time writing and sharing a Haiku-A-Day for the month of December. The first two years I exchanged a daily Haiku privately with willing friends, mostly through text and email. Last year I wrote and shared each Haiku on my blog. Throughout this process, I've discovered that the practice of noticing and reflecting through writing a Haiku grounds me, provides with with a certain kind of peace, assists me with better practicing gratitude, and helps me better navigate this "hurry up" world. This year my goal is the same as last year: to pen and publish a daily Haiku on my blog throughout December. 

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #31: 
Slice of Life Mash Up:
Showing Up 

For the month of December I wrote and posted a daily Haiku. I am incredibly grateful for my friend and fellow Blogger, Glenda, who joined me in this daily challenge. I encourage you to read her thoughtful and smart Haiku and reflections (like this one). 

Throughout this month as I worked on this challenge, a bit of panic set in. I found that I perseverated on these questions: What would I write about? Who would read it? Who would care about what I wrote? Would I get judged about what I wrote about?

Often my thoughts occupied far more space than the time it took me to actually write and post. 

Most days, as I reached close to the end of the day, I reminded myself that I set this personal goal and needed to follow up. After a little personal pep talk, I set myself a timer of 15 minutes. Just show up Trina, I reminded myself. Then I wrote. I published. I didn't look back. 

Interestingly enough, I find that this process - worrying more about the action than actually completing the action- often describes me in life, not just as a writer. I worry more about the act of doing something than actually doing it. This just slows me down and can be unhealthy. 

Friends, I realize that I mostly need to focus on showing up as my best self, no matter the situation. 

In the end, I celebrate that I showed up as a writer for the month of December. For now, this is enough for me. 

Who will read? Who will/

judge? Anxiety hinders/

action.        Just show up. 

Looking to connect with a positive, supportive online community? Consider sharing a slice of your life with Two Writing Teachers. All writers are welcome! 

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #30: Guinea Pig Rescue

For the last three years, I've intentionally spent time writing and sharing a Haiku-A-Day for the month of December. The first two years I exchanged a daily Haiku privately with willing friends, mostly through text and email. Last year I wrote and shared each Haiku on my blog. Throughout this process, I've discovered that the practice of noticing and reflecting through writing a Haiku grounds me, provides with with a certain kind of peace, assists me with better practicing gratitude, and helps me better navigate this "hurry up" world. This year my goal is the same as last year: to pen and publish a daily Haiku on my blog throughout December. 

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #30: 
Guinea Pig Rescue 

Since we moved, I have not been able to have a pet at my house. This is the first time in nearly twenty years that I have not lived with a dog. Although I desperately miss my dogs, I currently cannot afford to have a dog (or cat) in the house I rent. So when my daughter requested a guinea pig (something I can have without raising my rent or coming up with an extra security deposit) for Christmas, I promised to buy her one. We ended up rescuing a pair of guinea pigs from a family who could no longer take care of them. I had a guinea pig when I was young, but I find that I am learning about caring for a guinea pig again. I'm especially intrigued at the sounds they use to communicate.  

Guinea pig rescue./
Chirping, wheeking, chutting sounds./
Popcorning: happy. 

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #29: Creative Outlet

For the last three years, I've intentionally spent time writing and sharing a Haiku-A-Day for the month of December. The first two years I exchanged a daily Haiku privately with willing friends, mostly through text and email. Last year I wrote and shared each Haiku on my blog. Throughout this process, I've discovered that the practice of noticing and reflecting through writing a Haiku grounds me, provides with with a certain kind of peace, assists me with better practicing gratitude, and helps me better navigate this "hurry up" world. This year my goal is the same as last year: to pen and publish a daily Haiku on my blog throughout December. 

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #29:  
Creative Outlet

Daily writing and/

voracious reading - fuel for/

creative outlet. 

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #28: Cousins

or the last three years, I've intentionally spent time writing and sharing a Haiku-A-Day for the month of December. The first two years I exchanged a daily Haiku privately with willing friends, mostly through text and email. Last year I wrote and shared each Haiku on my blog. Throughout this process, I've discovered that the practice of noticing and reflecting through writing a Haiku grounds me, provides with with a certain kind of peace, assists me with better practicing gratitude, and helps me better navigate this "hurry up" world. This year my goal is the same as last year: to pen and publish a daily Haiku on my blog throughout December. 

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #28: 
Cousins  

One of my favorite things about the holiday season is that a huge chunk of time  typically includes my extended family gathering together to celebrate Christmas. My children are close in age to their cousins, and they all have a ball when they are together. Although their conversations can be loud and at times obnoxious, I adore hearing their laughter.

Loud conversations -/ 

boisterous, animated:/

cousins gathering.

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #27: Bird Feeding

For the last three years, I've intentionally spent time writing and sharing a Haiku-A-Day for the month of December. The first two years I exchanged a daily Haiku privately with willing friends, mostly through text and email. Last year I wrote and shared each Haiku on my blog. Throughout this process, I've discovered that the practice of noticing and reflecting through writing a Haiku grounds me, provides with with a certain kind of peace, assists me with better practicing gratitude, and helps me better navigate this "hurry up" world. This year my goal is the same as last year: to pen and publish a daily Haiku on my blog throughout December. 

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #27: 
Bird Feeding

My dad knows the best spots for birding. Today he took us to Goose Island, a local county park along the Mississippi River where birds are known to eat sunflower seeds right out of your hand (or off your head).

Goose Island visit./

Handfuls of sunflower seeds/

Bring chickadees near.  

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #26: Evening Walk

For the last three years, I've intentionally spent time writing and sharing a Haiku-A-Day for the month of December. The first two years I exchanged a daily Haiku privately with willing friends, mostly through text and email. Last year I wrote and shared each Haiku on my blog. Throughout this process, I've discovered that the practice of noticing and reflecting through writing a Haiku grounds me, provides with with a certain kind of peace, assists me with better practicing gratitude, and helps me better navigate this "hurry up" world. This year my goal is the same as last year: to pen and publish a daily Haiku on my blog throughout December. 

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #26: 
Evening Walk 

Lately I've been feeling pretty anxious about a lot. Relationships changing. Parenting. New changes. Finances. My identity. Sometimes I get myself worked up and my mind spins.

Tonight I took a walk and it helped me feel a lot better. 

Tonight's brisk walk helped/

manage sharp anxiety./

Step by step forward.