Dear Jason Reynolds

¨Dreams aren’t reserved for the creatives.”

from For Everyone by Jason Reynolds

Dear Jason Reynolds:

Thank you for your letter, even though it has taken you years to write. We all need more reminders of how to be courageous.

"This is for the courageous, and everyone who wants to be."
Back cover of For Everyone

For Everyone was the book that I needed to read this week. It stared me down from the New Picks bookshelf at the public library Sunday afternoon. “Check me out! Take me home!” It beckoned.

I yearned to read something so honest and comforting, especially when I was, once again, recently met with disappointment, letting my loud and self-loathing inner critic get the best of me.

Thank you, especially for this:

"This letter is for us all,
to remind us
that we are many.
that we are right
for trying.
That purpose is real.
That making it is possible."
Page 85

And this:

"If you're like me,
you've struggled trying
to stomp out
the flame of doubt
and fear,
the warmth and comfort
always enticing
and familiar
though venemous
and life extinguishing."
Page 58

I cannot wait to share your wisdom with my high school students, especially the ones who haven't experienced a lot of success yet. They need this.

And meanwhile, I will carry your words.

Sincerely,

Another Dreamer

Slice of Life 2018 Day 5: Eleven Things About Me as a Reader

Recently, I saw a blogger write a list of 11 things about her as a blog post for Slice of Life. This reminded me of Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s book, The Book of Eleven. Note: Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s categorizes this title on her website as one of her grown up books. The Book of Eleven, as many of Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s books, is one of my writing go-to’s when I am not sure what to write about. For me, creating lists is sometimes the only way I can get started in writing.

My personal copy of The Book of Eleven

In the spirit of the great Amy Krouse Rosenthal, below is a list of eleven things about me as a reader:

1. I was a struggling reader for most of elementary school and middle school. I often share this with my students and wrote about it here.
2. Most nights I end the day reading. It is usually in bed or on the couch between my two children. I once wrote a poem about it called Bookends.
3. I almost always have an audio book going in the car. Right now I am listening to One of Us is Lying. When selecting audio books, I try to find books that will appeal to my high school students so I can use the titles when I confer with students and make recommendations.
4. My least favorite genre to read is fiction stories about animals. I am pretty certain that this is because I love animals, especially dogs, and cannot handle it when a dog dies.
5. The last book I finished reading was Louise Erdrich’s Future Home of the Living God. It is a dystopian feminist thriller, a kind of book that I didn’t expect from Louise Erdrich. Although this was not my favorite title from Louise Erdrich, I still loved it. Think Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale.
6. I am currently reading Deborah Wiles’ book Countdown. This is a mixture of historical fiction and nonfiction through a variety of texts. I was introduced to Deborah Wiles when I participated in the 2017 Book Love Foundation Summer Book Club.
7. My nightstand is nearly always toppling with books. It is a constant source of annoyance for my husband. I own too many books, but it makes me really happy to live in a house full of books. 
8. For the past three years I have surpassed my goal for on my Goodreads challenge. This is where I am at right now: 

My current Goodreads challenge

9. I enjoy reading physical books more than electronic versions of books. Mostly, I think that this is because I dog ear pages of books all of the time. When I find a line that I want to linger over, I oven dog ear the bottom corner of that page. I know that there is a digital bookmark option, but I just can't get used to it.

10. One of my favorite places to visit is our local public library. I typically check out more titles than I can read before the titles are due at the library.

11. I must read before I go to sleep. Every. Single. Night. I have found that I have trouble sleeping without digging into a good book.

Taking Care of Myself: Challenging but Worthy Work

I was introduced (okay thrown) into the world of At-Risk Education this year. In my nearly eighteen years of teaching, I have always taught students who fall into the category of at-risk or what I like to call underserved students. However, I have never had such a high concentration of underserved students in one class (several classes a day) at once.

It has been really challenging work.

Many (actually, most) of my underserved high school students are incredible human beings. Yet many of them have not yet experienced success in our traditional school system. I assume that for many of my underserved students it is easier to say, “I don’t care” or not show up (mentally and or physically) because it feels safer than trying and taking the risk of feeling like a failure. Again.

I especially yearn for each of my underserved students to find success in school, as I know that the more education he or she receives, it is more likely that he or she will experience a better overall standard of living as adults.

It has been really challenging work.

I often take my role as a teacher and mentor so personally, especially when one of my students does not make good academic or behavioral choices. As many of my colleagues, I carry my students’ stories, their comments, and their conversations far beyond the traditional classroom walls. I’ve thought a lot about some of the heart-wrenching experiences my students have shared with me. I’ve privately written about many of my students. I’ve prayed for my students. I’ve wondered and worried about my students when they don’t show up for school or permanently leave our school community. It is painful.

It has been really challenging work.

This past Wednesday I had the opportunity to learn from Lucas Jadin, educator and team member of Train2BeClutch. Lucas was powerful and engaging as a speaker, and I especially appreciated how he was vulnerable with our staff. He reminded me that so many people fear failure or not being enough of who we feel that we need to be. (Trust me, I certainly struggle with this.) Later I emailed him to thank him for what his work taught me and also as a plea for more suggestions of how I could better meet the needs of my underserved students. One of the responses Lucas shared with me was this:

Take care of yourself. Most of those kids do not even have close to a stable adult in their life. Just being the best version of yourself is a huge win for the kids.

Lucas’s response has lingered with me all week. As a mom, wife, friend, Girl Scout co-leader, and teacher, I often put myself last. Dead last.

But I realized that I am already doing worthy things to take care of myself. These things all help me to take care of myself and show up as a better human being, even when I am having a bad day.

For me, each day I strive to do these four things:

• I write. Every day. My writing is usually not worth publicly sharing, but it helps me to get the yuck out of my day. It is a space only for me. When I started making daily writing a priority, I realized that I became more reflective and responsive to my family and students and to myself. Writing is often how I wrestle with what bothers me the most. 

• 

  A glimpse of this morning's writing

• I read. Stories often help me escape and distract my busy mind. Reading was what often got me through hard times in adolescence and as an adult. I need escape in a safe and healthy way. This past January and part of February I read Cutting for Stone, a book that was on my to-read list for years. As my friend Sam once shared with me, it would be a story that would suck me in. It did, and it even helped me consider medicine and healing and surgery in a radically different way.

• I walk. Although I often walk to get more exercise for myself and my dogs, it is an easy way to clear my head. I often enjoy the quiet and peace I experience on walks. Sometimes walking is the only time I can find time without anyone else with me. 

Here is one of my walking buddies

• I meditate. Okay, I’m working on meditating. When I find time to meditate, my body feels more relaxed. I show up as a better human being to my family and friends and students. I recently started using an App called Headspace to help get into the practice of meditating more.

None of these four practices cost me any money. They take little stretches of time, something that is more manageable for me to accomplish.

Whether I am in the role as a mom, wife, teacher, or leader, I am constantly working on being a better human being. It has been really challenging work. But worthy work.

Ultimately, I need to make sure that I take care of myself.

What do you do to take care of yourself?