Slice of Life #23: Day 22/31: Alone

For the month of March, each day I am writing and posting a slice of my life, hosted by Two Writing Teachers. 

Slice of Life #23: Day 22/31: 

Alone

Yesterday's post really got me thinking about lists. In my writer's notebook, I frequently write lists. I realized that I process so many things in list format. 

Amy Ludwig VanDerwater's, Poems Are Teachers, provides an abundance of mentor texts and suggestions for how to craft different poems. It's a wonderful resource. When writing a list poem, VanDerwater reminds readers that lists do not need to be ordered by time. She suggested to first list a group of related words, topics, people, questions. She also reminds writers that often list poems end with some sort of change. 

A mentor poem by Kwame Alexander

Kwame Alexander's poem is a list poem mentor text in Poems Are Teachers. The repetition of the word alone stuck with me all day. It made me think about when I was a young mother with two small children. Although I cherished spending time with my children, I was often exhausted and barely got a break. Periodically, I fantasized of time on my own. When I first separated from my then husband and had to get used to seeing my kids only 50% of the time, I had to quickly adjust to spending time on my own - something that I had once yearned for. Those first few months were so challenging. After three and a half years, I still have many moments of feeling sad when I am without my kids, but I manage it much better now. 

Here's a list poem to describe my time when I am alone:  

When I'm Alone

I read,

crochet,

linger on walks,

dance while doing dishes,

make dinners with black olives and mushrooms,

watch edgy shows and dramas,

spend time with my boyfriend,

blast my music,

go thrifting,

and miss my 

children

deeply.

  

Slice of Life #23: Day 19/31: Writer's Block

 For the month of March, each day I am writing and posting a slice of my life, hosted by Two Writing Teachers. 

Slice of Life #23: Day 19/31: 

Writer's Block

Mid-March. This is always about the time in the Slice of Life Challenge that I hit a wall. I feel like I have nothing to write about. 

This morning I crafted the beginnings of some slices. I began with dialogue, attempting to explain last night's Saint Patrick's Day party. I just couldn't articulate my words. Then I tried a Haiku about how different coffee is on the weekends because I am not in a rush and how I get to savor my coffee. I couldn't craft enough contrast between my first and third line. Finally, I started writing about this morning's winter walk, and how frustrated I am with the sting on my cheeks in this unseasonable March weather. I didn't like how whiny my tone was. 

In the end, I decided to create a new post and just started writing. This post will need to suffice for today. 

Anyone else with me on a bit of writer's block today? 

Slice of Life #23: Day 18/31: Writer's Notebook Records

For the month of March, each day I am writing and posting a slice of my life, hosted by Two Writing Teachers. 

Slice of Life #23: Day 18/31: 

Writer's Notebook Records

One thing that I love about keeping a writer's notebook is the ability to return to your writing and reread it. I find that it provides me with great insights about myself. Sometimes I jot down lines or poems that resonate with me. Other times I write conversations I want to remember. At times, I even craft rough drafts of what I will write in a letter or card to a friend. 

Back in fall, I jotted a Mary Oliver poem in my notebook: 

"The Uses of Sorrow" 

(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)

Someone I loved once gave me

a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand

that this, too, was a gift. 

This poem especially made me think about my divorce and how painful it was. It was as if Mary Oliver wrote that poem for me; I felt like I was given a box of darkness. It took me a long time to recognize some of the good that came out of this heartbreaking period. 

Before my ex-husband and I decided to separate, I was conversing with a friend. At the time, my life felt so messy. I felt unlovable with few options. Writing seemed to be the only way that I could make sense of anything. Writing saved me. At one point, I wrote these words to her: 

Did I tell you that lately I think of myself as tangled yarn? You know how when you are in the middle of a project and all of the sudden you have to stop and untangle the yarn before you keep going? Or how sometimes you have to go back to what you are working on and start taking it apart (the knitter's term called frogging)...and in the yarn you never know how many knots there are and what it will take to untangle it (or what I need to cut) or what you have to do to fix it?  That's totally me these days.

Those words about tangled yarn are dog-eared in one of my writer's notebooks. That notebook is probably seven years old. Although it was (and still sometimes is) an incredibly painful time for me, I am grateful that I have a record of my thoughts and feelings.

What kinds of things do you record in your writer's notebook?

Slice of Life Tuesday: Ukulele Journey

Looking to connect with a positive, supportive online community? Consider sharing a slice of your life with Two Writing Teachers. All writers are welcome! 

Tuesday Slice of Life: 

Ukulele Journey

I was recently paging through my writer's notebook and found this list poem I wrote some time last spring, reflecting on my journey of learning to play the ukulele. (If I remember correctly, I believe that I was reading through Poems Are Teachers at the time, and so this list poem was likely inspired by the smart work of Amy Ludwig VanDerwater.) 

Ukulele Wishes 

I wish I could

     remember strumming patterns
     effortlessly switch from chord D to Em,
     play tablature in tune 
     feel the rhythm of quarter, half, and whole notes
     read notes instead of looking at my fingers
     sing and strum 
     not fret so much about mistakes and 
     enjoy my music journey. 

****

A little over a week ago my thirteen-year-old son and I attended an outdoor ukulele workshop through our city's Mile of Music Festival. Although I played quite a bit last spring and took a few group lessons, I had not played my ukulele since the beginning of June. I was rusty. My uke was out of tune. In fact, it was so out of tune that I needed to ask my son in order to get my ukulele back in playing shape. 

As soon as my ukulele was in tune and my fingers found some familiar chords, I was instantly reminded how much I enjoy making music. My fingers immediately gravitated to the C and G7 chords - I still had some muscle memory in my fingers. 

Since the short workshop, I have been playing each day and I am beginning to enjoy it again. Now I can play Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" and "Lean on Me" by Bill Withers. To my amazement, my son recently remarked that he actually recognizes these tunes when I play! Win!

It feels good. I need to keep spending the time to make music.  

Tuesday Slice of Life: Notebook Work

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Tuesday Slice of Life: Notebook Work

I have not felt particularly inspired as a writer this month. Although I have had plenty of topics to write about, I have had a challenging time articulating my thoughts in words and coherent sentences. Each time I have sat down to blog, my process has looked a little like this: I start writing. I get stuck. I write about something different. I get stuck. I try writing again about a new topic. I get stuck. Inevitably, I do not get a post published.

However, as much as I have dragged my feet in writing, I have continued to write daily in my notebook. Late in April I read the great visual artist and Professor Lynda Berry´s Syllabus. Instantly, I fell in love with the sketches infused with multimedia in Syllabus, the Emily Dickinson poems and other important quotes scattered throughout the book, but mostly I appreciated how Dr. Berry encouraged her students to explore and record what they noticed. For a great example of Lynda Berry´s work, read Brain Picking´s post. 

Throughout May I used Dr. Berry´s Daily Diary format for at least one page a day. The Daily Diary includes a list of seven things you saw, seven things you did, something you heard, and something drawn. By far, the most challenging part for me was drawing something every day. When I first started creating a Daily Diary it took me a while (about thirty minutes!) to create one page. Then I reread the instructions in Syllabus, and Daily Diary pages are meant to be created quickly, so I set a timer for each section and now I can complete each page in about fifteen minutes.

Below is an example of a recent Daily Diary page: 

One of my favorite things about creating Daily Diary pages has been rereading my past Daily Diary Pages and noticing emerging patterns, such as how I notice a lot about nature on dog walks, things my students and my own children say and do, how many of my days are spent. Ultimately, my favorite part of a Daily Diary page is recording what I heard. Often I include what I overhear at stores in in the hallway. Itś such great stuff! The page I posted (see above) is an exchange between a teenager and a middle age women at Target. 

Daily Diary Pages did not necessarily give me confidence as a writer, but it has helped me continue with my notebook work and kept me noticing what I cared about. When I took the time to revisit my Daily Diary pages, I realized that I could go back and use these pages for future writing, too. 

March Slice of Life Challenge Day 29: The Letter

For the month of March, each day I am writing and posting a slice of my life, hosted by Two Writing Teachers. 

March Slice of Life Challenge Day 29: The Letter

"Mom! You got a card or something in the mail today!" Isaac, my thirteen-year-old, announced as he brought in the mail.

I practically hurdled off the couch with excitement.

"I did?" I asked, amazed in thinking about who would have taken the time to write and mail me something. It wasn't my birthday. No one sent cards for Easter, and that was still a few weeks away.

Sure enough, it was a real letter. Not even an advertisement disguised in letter format. It was a tan envelope. My name and address were handwritten in writing I recognized but couldn't yet place. 

I fingered the envelope, tracing my fingers over the back, and I suddenly noticed by the return address that it was from my childhood friend and pen pal, Ellen! Quickly, I brought the envelope into the bedroom and closed the door, ensuring that this letter would only be for me. 

"Surprise! I wrote you back!" Although I followed Ellen on Facebook and Instagram, we hadn't personally connected over a year. I hadn't received a snail mail letter from her since we were in college. 

For the next small chunk of time, I savored Ellen's words from her letter - personal updates and inside jokes we created decades ago. I reread her letter twice, thinking about how special it was to get a handwritten letter from her today. 

Mail is magical. I cannot wait to write Ellen back. 

Tuesday Slice of Life: A Slice of Courage

Looking to connect with a positive, supportive online community?  Consider sharing a slice of your life with Two Writing Teachers. All writers are welcome! 

Tuesday Slice of Life: A Slice of Courage

"Finding courage may be the hardest thing about writing." 

Sue Monk Kidd from Why We Write About Ourselves (Plume, 2016) 

On December 21st one of my poems was showcased as a part of a local art exhibit in my city. 

A few days before the opening I sheepishly invited my husband:

"So I submitted one of my poems to a show at The Draw. It was selected as a part of an art show. The opening night is Friday. Wanna come with me?"

"Really? That's great! Of course. Did you invite anyone else?"

"No, not really. It feels too weird." 

My husband was one of the few people I invited to the show. 

The day of the show my anxiety bubbled. What if no one reads it? What if someone reads it? What will they think of me? Does she really think she is a poet? 

Honestly, it was a bit uncomfortable to watch people read my poem from afar. I lurked a bit as strangers discussed it. I studied their body language. I creeped on conversations. To my surprise, I didn't hear anything negative. Instead I heard gentle comments of people who could relate to my poem. It was powerful. Validating. Kind of exciting.

My poem displayed

Check out my poem: 

"Six"

When I was six years old,
my grandma placed a thick slice of Byerly's Bakery birthday cake-

adorned with rich golden frosted peaked roses-

on a small dessert plate in front of me.

She leaned in and sharply whispered, 

"you are not the kind of girl who can always eat cake."

Among the eleven of us, I was the only child who received her cautionary words.

I shifted in the cold metal folding chair at the kid table in Grandma's kitchen.

My round, fair face blazed.

My corduroy, hand-stitched jumper squeezed my chest. 

My shame-filled belly roared.

Yet I cautiously ate my piece of buttercream guilt,

licked the frosting off the top of my chubby fingertips, 

only to immediately regret my deed.

I am not the kind of girl who can always eat cake. 

For me, it takes a lot of courage to share my writing, especially when it is something so personal. Yet I know that this is necessary for who I am - to grow as a writer and teacher of writers...so I'm working on this, and I hope to submit more poetry (and maybe some professional writing) in 2019. 

Haiku-A-Day December #10: Stories

I am joining Elisabeth from The Dirigible Plum in writing a Haiku-A-Day during the month of December.

Haiku-A-Day #10: Stories

Most nights, just before I retire to bed, you can typically find me either writing or deeply engrossed in a book. I am especially drawn to memoirs. For me, I appreciate when a writer is vulnerable and shares his or her experience of pain or overcoming some sort of obstacle. I certainly don't celebrate that so many others go through pain, but somehow it brings me great comfort knowing that I am not the only one who has gone through something hard - a subtle reminder that life is often messy and can be painful.

Recently, I came across this quote by James Baldwin:

 "You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read." 

This quote is taped inside the cover of my writer's notebook. I have found myself compelled to reread it several times in the past few days.

Today's double Haiku was inspired by my experiences in reading and from James Baldwin's wise quote:

Stories remind me

so many humans struggle - 

pain is not unique.

Where would I be if

no writers chose to show up

brave, vulnerably? 

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #8: Sanctuary

I am joining Elisabeth from The Dirigible Plum in writing a Haiku-A-Day during the month of December. Please let me know if you are posting a Haiku-A-Day too! I would love to read your work.

Haiku-A-Day December Challenge #8: Sanctuary

Earlier this week I wrote about how my topics, word choices, and audience has been so different in my Haiku-A-Day challenge this year. (You can read that post here.) In a greatly appreciated comment from my friend Elisabeth, I was reminded how my writer's notebook is where I can retreat. My writer's notebook is where I craft poetry, ask myself the most painful and complex questions, explore my thoughts and feelings without fear of judgement. 

As I continue to try to make sense of some really tough, painful things in my life, writing continues to provide an outlet and healing. I am thankful for notebook writing:

Pen, paper, pages-

my sanctuary housing

most intimate thoughts. 

Slice of Life Tuesday: Gordon Korman Visit

Last Friday night, as a part of the Fox Valley Book Festival, my two children and I had the privilege to hear children's author Gordon Korman speak. As an avid reader and writer, I always appreciate hearing an author talk about his or her writing process and craft. I was in awe after learning that Gordon has published over eighty books and that he began writing his first book when he was in seventh grade as part of a school project for English class. In fact, Scholastic published his first book when Gordon was only in ninth grade.  

During the Question/Answer Session towards the end of the presentation, a young child asked Gordon, "How do you feel when you are writing your books?" I adored Gordon's response, "Everything. Happy. Frustrating. Satisfaction when you're done."

Perhaps my favorite takeaway from Friday night was when Gordon shared the power of asking the question what if. This is his guiding question that is often at the heart of his writing. For example, Restart, one of his more recent books, is all about the question what if. What makes us the people we are? Is it ever possible to restart? He explained that constantly asking himself this question what if is what helps him play with ideas in his writing. His advice to writers was to consider, "what are the what ifs in your story?" 

As a reminder, during the presentation I wrote the words what if on my hand. 

Those two words have been lingering in my mind all week. 

How can what if guide me as a writer? 

How can what if guide my teaching? 

How can what if guide my learning? 

What if opens up all sorts of exciting possibilities. 

Write your own Slice of Life and head on over to Two Writing Teachers. Everyone is welcome!  

Slice of Life Tuesday: Writing Group Wonderings

Recently, a local artist (and former student), asked me to consider submitting a piece of writing for an upcoming art show in support of women's issues. Of course I was honored, thanked her, and I assured her that I would immediately begin working on a piece.

Then I privately panicked.

Me sharing my writing with a larger, public audience? Aye. Just the thought fills me with so much angst. Yes, that's me, the English/Reading teacher who is always encouraging her students to submit writing for publication. 

What a hypocrite. 

Each time I have carved out some time to work on a piece for this show I get stuck. Here are a few questions that have rolled through my brain:

• What is worth writing about? 
• Once I figure out my topic, which details do I include? Which details do I omit? 
• How will I craft my work in such a way that is compelling? 
• What form should I write in? A poem? An essay? 

This weekend I found myself combing through past writer's notebooks. I culled my favorite lines and topics. I made lists. I created Heart Maps. I wrote Haiku. I even turned to works from my favorite writers for inspiration. No luck. 

Finally, I reached out to a far away writerly friend for some advice. She inquired if I belonged to a writing group and shared that she would be lost without her writing group. 

Hmm. A writing group might give me suggestions, help me get unstuck, and at least help me silence some of those self-defeating voices in my mind. If I had a community of writers, I might hold myself more accountable to writing and publishing. A community of writers might provide me with feedback. A community of writers might provide me with more inspiration. A community of writers may be working through some of the same struggles about writing that I am. 

On Sunday night I finally decided on a topic to write about for submission to the local art show - my unhealthy body image and how I fear that I have passed this on to my daughter.

Now that I have determined my topic, I have some serious writing work ahead of me. 

In the meantime, I am wondering about writing groups. To my writing friends, do you belong in a writing group? If so, how often do you meet? For how long? What does it look like? Sound like? Has being in a writing group helped you as a writer? What smart suggestions do you have for me? 

Thank you in advance for any insights! 

Join Two Writing Teachers and share your own Slice of Life. All writers are welcome! 

Slice of Life Tuesday: Daily Engagements through Quickwrites

Last Saturday morning I listened to The Quickwrite Handbook with Linda Rief and Penny Kittle, a podcast episode on Heinemann's Teacher Podcasts. In this podcast, extraordinary teacher-writer Penny Kittle shares an experience she had listening to legendary, beloved teacher-writer Linda Rief speak at a conference (twenty years ago!) when she initially heard about Quickwrites and the powerful effect Quickwrites could have, "... these carefully planned engagements, could unlock the voice and ideas that lead to confidence and an interest in writing..." Penny Kittle also comments that Quickwrites, "...not only leads students to find writing and not only pay attention to the moves of writers, but it establishes a routine where students collect what matters to them in a safe place where they are allowed to stumble, to wobble, to fall..." 

It made me stop to wonder why I did not use more Quickwrites in my daily writing. I have plenty of compelling texts all around me, but sometimes I forget to utilize them as a writing tool. Maybe writing with mentor texts would help me have less writing moments like these. 

As I sat down to write that day, I glanced at my library copy of Naomi Shihab Nye's Voices in the Air: Poems for Listeners. I devoured her beautiful and powerful introduction. Thinking as a writer, I found so many worthy entry points from her work that I could emulate. To begin, I wrote a few powerful passages and recorded a quote she referenced from poet Galway Kinnell, "To me, poetry is someone standing up, so to speak, and saying, with as little concealment as possible, what is it for him or her to be on earth at this moment?"

This passage led me to ponder this question, What is it like for me to be on this earth right now? 

And then I wrote. 
And I wrote. 
And I wrote.

Here's a peek from my notebook writing that morning:

Coffee residue sticks to my teeth, tongue -
Brush me.
Wash away my grimy residue,
I yearn to feel clean.

Snuggling under my light weight hand-stitched quilt,
I am safely sheltered with
air-controlled temperature while
outside swells in heat,
barely a breeze for leaf sways.
I watch morning doves swoop for
sunflower seeds and
dogs saunter past
our bay window.

In silence I sit (mostly in silence) -
the hum of the nearby one-fish aquarium,
steady clock ticks,
air forced from vents -
stealing still moments before
children emerge -bedhead beauties-
and shatter
precious
quiet.

Writing with a compelling text beside me made a huge difference. The above writing wasn't profound or beautiful, but it got me writing and I kept going. As Penny referenced, I had the chance to play with words and ideas in a safe way in my notebook. In addition, it provided me with something worthy to consider. And since last Saturday, I have continued to dip into Voices in the Air as a source of daily writing engagement. 

Join me in writing a slice of your life and sharing it with the Two Writing Teachers Community. Everyone is welcome! 

Slice of Life Tuesday: When Writing Isn't Fun

Back in March I wrote about hearing author Ralph Fletcher speak about his grandson Solomon and how he observed him playing with a toy in the bathtub. Ralph watched his grandson examine how a toy worked by lifting it, tossing it, sharing it, and flipping it, etc. - similar to how writers play with ideas. 

There is joy in play. 

I'd like to think that writing always fills me with joy, especially when I am in the mood to write and it is low-stakes and playful. But what happens when writing isn't so fun, even when you are simply trying to play with an idea? 

This happened to me today. I had all sorts of ideas of what I could write a blog post about. First, I set a timer and wrote everything that came into my mind. I lifted lines from books I am currently reading. I jotted lists. I combed through my writer's notebook for past ideas. I talked to myself out loud. I even attempted some sketching. Yet, each time I put my ideas in writing, I despised what I wrote. Every idea I considered today sounded so much better in my mind. 

Today, writing was anything but fun for me. Even though I examined and played with ideas in a variety of ways and I wanted to write, I felt frustrated. I couldn't make my writing sound like I wanted it to.  

I did not think that I was going to publish a post tonight. Yet in the end, it was mostly about just showing up as a writer and reflecting about what was hard for me today. 

This reminds me that living a writerly life is sometimes like this. My ideas don't always come easy. Writing is not always fun or magical for me. I think that these kind of days are important to share as a teacher of writers, too. 

Everyone is welcome! Join the Two Writing Teachers Community and share a slice of your life today!